Passion.. :)

It’s been a good while (nearly a yr!) that I’ve been lazing around literally doing “nothing” under the pretext of trying to think and figuring out what I want to do with my life.. Time to get back to action.. It’s time to let the adrenaline rush again

On a different note, I have this thing for words.. I like reading new words, thinking about them, and immersing myself in the effect it produces on the mind! Naturally, I gravitate towards those that give a strong positive effect..My word for the day is passion.. It’s a word with such a profound meaning..filled with immense inspiring energy..something that drives you into a frenzy.. something that lets your heart throb with insane happiness.. it’s a surreal feeling to let yourself fill up with such fervor & zeal and go crazy. Passion..undoubtedly the word of my life..

And the heavens did open up today morning!

It was just getting a little too hot at about 7, quite early in the morning when I felt it like 2 or 3 in the afternoon with Mr. Sun God glowing away to glory so much that it was almost as if he was really angry at something and this was his way of doing it. As I was standing in the railway station almost completely drenched in sweat, and cursing the humid weather (I am at fault as well.. I should have known better than to wear a snug fit jeans in this climate!), I silently prayed for the heavens to open up atleast for a moment to show me that I was cared for. The moments of frustration passed and the train eventually came. And as usual, I ambled on to it, got out in a while and came to office. Of course, I forgot about all this once I stepped into my nicely air-conditioned work place. About half an hr. later, as I stepped out and gazed at the window near my desk, I saw that the heavens had opened up! I was stunned to see the sky having not a trace of cloud anywhere except near my office, and it was raining just here! I was happy.. really happy.. Why.? I really don’t know.. But, surely a feeling of sublime happiness for a moment there.. It was as if I could just connect with nature so perfectly at that instant.. Everything seemed so perfect.. It might just as well have been a random event, but I choose to believe that the Gods did listen to my prayers.. It might not be a big instance, but definitely one to keep my spirits up and bolster my faith in the unknown.. Now, it’s bright and sunny again.. This time, I’m all smiling about it!

Diffusion of energy!

Okay..here goes my latest insight on mind control.. I view every interaction that we are involved in as a process of transfer of energy. Energy..at the moment, I choose not to qualify the term “energy” with signs, etc. It’s true that emotions and their subsequent expressions are a result of the kind of energy that exists within the mind. How does something “exist” or “not exist” within the mind? It’s hard to say. You might think that you’ve gotten past some disturbing thought and removed it from your head. But it’s not uncommon that we sometimes notice the very same thought coming back out with multi-fold intensity. It’s very likely that..in the process of “removal” of the thought, you’ve actually pushed it deep into your subconscious. Now, that’s bad news! It’s like making a permanent change in the gene sequence as a result of some kind of mutation. The mutation here referring to the disturbing thought you’re trying to get rid of.  You are not sure what the exact consequences of the triggered mutation is either! Another analogy I am drawn to is.. say, we’re working with nano fibres and trying to do something at the microscopic level to produce a desired effect at the macroscopic level. The effect is obviously magnified at the macroscopic level! I’m not sure if the analogy is perfect here..but I hope you get the picture. Unless we ensure by some means that we don’t actually end up pushing stuff into our subconscious (however small it might be..), we’re voluntarily allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. So, as I was thinking about what one can do about this problem at hand, I thought — why not diffuse out the thought that supposedly enters the deeper domain? Well, we would need some kind of a “medium” for that, and preferably a highly concentrated and “viscous” medium.. My point here is .. we are dealing with different momentary “injections” of energy at different intensities, etc, etc. (corresponding to different emotions, events, etc.).. Just like how a spray diffuses into a medium and becomes homogeneous after a point of time, why not apply a similar logic here? Every time we “sense an energy injection” (ok.. now this sensing part is in itself a bit difficult..but, assuming you do that.. ), we have to mentally have a diffusive medium ready to diffuse it out. This diffusive medium ideally would be the infinitude of energy (positive)  that is so freely available to us from nature, etc. The catch here is — it’s quite difficult to sense the injection in itself and then..realize the urgent need to instantly fill yourself up with the  ”diffusive medium” and then let it diffuse.. Getting access of the diffusive medium even on normal terms is itself quite a challenge. Once a person gets quite comfortable with automatic absorption of energy whenever needed, this process will become easier. The gist of the whole procedure is — Derive energy from nature, etc., make use of its abundance and its burning positiveness to diffuse the negative energies within you without leaving behind any remnants or remains! It’s a good feeling when you are actually able to see it happening within you!

Grace..

A long overdue post.. It’s been quite a while indeed, close to about 6 months since I last sat down to write.. A lot has happened since.. The past six months at home, after 2 years in the US..  have been to say the least.. a wonderful eye opener and a period with quite a bit of interesting self revelations.. Anyways, an article that I dug out and read after a long time — Work and its secret, by Vivekananda.. There is some magic in that article. I keep going back to it very often these days.

Why are we here? We came here to sip the honey, and we find our hands and feet sticking to it. We are caught, though we came to catch. We came to enjoy; we are being enjoyed. We came to rule; we are being ruled. We came to work; we are being worked. All the time, we find that. And this comes into every detail of our life. We are being worked upon by other minds, and we are always struggling to work on other minds. We want to enjoy the pleasures of life; and they eat into our vitals. We want to get everything from nature, but we find in the long run that nature takes everything from us — depletes us, and casts us aside.

We are all beggars. Whatever we do, we want a return. We are all traders. We are traders in life, we are traders in virtue, we are traders in religion. And alas! we are also traders in love. If you come to trade, if it is a question of give-and-take, if it is a question of buy-and-sell, abide by the laws of buying and selling. There is a bad time and there is a good time; there is a rise and a fall in prices: always you expect the blow to come. It is like looking at the mirrors Your face is reflected: you make a grimace — there is one in the mirror..if you laugh, the mirror laughs. This is buying and selling, giving and taking..

Ask nothing; want nothing in return. Give what you have to give; it will come back to you — but do not think of that now, it will come back multiplied a thousandfold — but the attention must not be on that. Yet have the power to give: give, and there it ends. Learn that the whole of life is giving, that nature will force you to give. So, give willingly. Sooner or later you will have to give up. You come into life to accumulate. With clenched hands, you want to take. But nature puts a hand on your throat and makes your hands open. Whether you will it or not, you have to give. The moment you say, “I will not”, the blow comes and you are hurt. None is there but will be compelled, in the long run, to give up everything. And the more one struggles against this law, the more miserable one feels. It is because we dare not give, because we are not resigned enough to accede to this grand demand of nature, that we are miserable. 

These above lines are indeed very powerful and have had a resounding impact in my thoughts for the past couple of days. With clenched hands, you want to take.. But, nature puts a hand on your throat and forces your hands open. Indeed the truest truth of life. To let go. To give. The pleasures of unconditional giving. This was something that I have found to be really gratifying of late. More than the feeling of gratification, it has given me a newer and deeper understanding to the word grace. The word grace.. is one of the most beautiful words in the English language. Grace.. that inexplicable feeling of extraordinary love which you experience when you give without expecting anything in return..  I feel blessed and filled with a sense of completeness. Need I ask for more? Definitely not one of my better posts.. But, I will get back soon with a better one ..  :)

Random tidbits.

Random tidbits..

Pharmacies are open only at 9 Am in the morning!! I had to go get something urgent today morning and ended up circling then entire locality only to come back home in utter irritation.

In a road that’s hardly 4-5 ft wide for both sides of the traffic, what’s the funda behind placing a barricade that’s 1ft. wide?

Why are the terraces of apts. generally not lit up nor an iota of effort gone into maintaining it properly? Terraces are a wonderful place to spend late evenings and nights. Beats me why people would prefer to sit inside their stuffed up houses watching some idiotic TV serial.

Is amazed at how plants grow! We have quite a number of pots in our terrace. Initially, I was not too interested in them, but as I see the bountiful flowers, etc. as we water them everyday, add manure and nurture them like our own kids.. I’m in love with them. Though, I am still lazy to put in the required effort.. But, yeah..nice creatures.. they respond as you would like them to respond if you treat them well..:D I’m still yet to experience the same with pets…

Finding it rather weird when people look at you straight in your eyes without a trace of a smile on their faces. For gods’ sake, they look at you as if you’re completely nuts if you make an attempt to do so too! Ironically, I find this happening more so with people who are “well settled” and better off. The watchmen, maids, and other general people who are not so well off smile, and even ask you how you are! No wonder it’s said — the poorest man knows what’s happiness!

Way too many stray dogs around!! Forget about stray dogs, I don’t even understand why owners leave their pet dogs out loose in the open without a leash. For goodness sake, they can do that in their homes but not outside when there might be poor souls like who are as as scared as hell about dogs.

Again, finding a LOT of people who are rather glum faced and who find it amusing if you sport a cheerful attitude. Cheer up people!

What’s the point of blaring your horns so incessantly when you can distinctly see clearly for yourself the stuck up traffic ahead that can only move when the signal turns green!! You are doing nothing but to irritate the person ahead of you as hell. Was completely amused when someone  scolded me and my dad in such a situation – “poda naaye” for nothing that we did!

In the junction between the main road and the cross road leading to my house, there is a line of huge trash bins making it virtually impossible to drive through unless you drive over the spilled over trash. My dad theorized that it initially started out as an act of frustration by placing one trash can right in the middle to divide the road in an attempt to “regulate” traffic. Of course, the trash started overflowing and then, they moved the other trash cans also there! Wonder how people can be so oblivious to this and still go past it! Aah.. I am forced to blame it on the better off people who leave their houses in air-conditioned cars and don’t really care what’s outside. Such callous indifference.

I’m not complaining folks! (for those who are waiting to pounce on me for complaining after coming back here ).. I still love being wherever I am! Alright. Enough for now I guess

Higher Excellence

Higher excellence. I wonder what is exactly meant when one is referred to as “a cut above the rest”. What do they have in them that’s different from others?

From personal experience, I’ve felt at times that I know that I am working at a level of exquisite intelligence that comes rather rarely. In those times, somehow, you feel that you can do everything! But, you soon come out of that zone. It takes a phenomenal effort to constantly remain in that plane of intelligence. Ironically, some of those moments of mine have been in times of intense trial and when things were going truly out of control. I wonder why. Probably, in those times, I’d have felt that I had nothing to lose and just give as much as I can without thinking of the outcome whatever it might be. Pssst..this is what a true karma yogi does all the time!

Not going too much into the “spiritual” implications or correlations, I’m just trying to understand some of the characteristics that can help us get to that plane. One thing I feel, is to be uncompromising on yourself. Right from keeping up to your commitments to others, and then more so at a personal level.. sticking on to habits..keeping up self-imposed commitments.. all these small small things sure do help in building confidence in your own self that you can be in control of yourself and that you can actually “do” something. Something that my Mom said recently struck a chord — Forgiving is greater than anything else in this world. Another thing she used to tell me repeatedly while I was in the US now struck me.. When someone takes the pain to call/email you asking about your well-being, it’s your duty to respond as soon as possible however busy you might be. As I was browsing through old messages in my mom’s cell – phone, I was stunned to see quite a number of them addressed to my Dad asking him if he had gotten in touch with me case I had not picked up their call due to some reason. Yeah, now I feel bad! I am getting better at this by the day though.. So, if someone I know takes a genuine effort to show their care/concern, I would think a lot before I postpone responding. Well, I’m not sure if I’m right in expecting the same from others? In some ways, yes and no – maybe not..oh, well..I don’t know.. Anyways, without digressing too much and picking up the original thread, keeping “relationships” in tact also help in increasing your selflessness. Again, as I usually say, selflessness is the key to a lot of things. Right from becoming a better person, handling relationships in a mature way, spiritual progress of course, and even to help elevate you to that higher plane of excellence. With lesser burden, surely it’s easier for you to climb isn’t it?

I don’t aspire to be a world leader or even vaguely anything related to that sort, but I do want to spend a good amount of quality time in that higher plane, pursuing sheer excellence. When you are pursuing such kind of excellence, you are your only barrier. It’s up to you to break it and move forward or stop. Of course, this has to be accompanied with undaunted effort from our sides. If you have it in you to give that much positive energy in every thing you do, aim for that perfection and be up there, you will be up there!

This seems like a pretty random post.. Anyways, adios!

My most treasured relationship!

Faith…you ask me what is faith? I cannot give you a straight forward answer. There are too many fancy words floating around – faith, trust, belief, and then comes, devotion, bhakthi, etc. I honestly don’t know. I’ll now have to go into characterizing my relationship with God. Well, how do I define God? That’s altogether a different discussion. My definition of God has evolved deeply with time. As far back as I remember, I used to imagine God to be one of the charismatic images as I used to see in any of the Amar Chitra katha books. Then, came the age of going to different temples, and I slowly started getting attached to certain deities. I had my own reasons for my choice of such a deity. Be it knowing more shlokas for that particular god or lesser people standing around that deity giving me more time to say my prayers properly! I remember.. At one point, I learned the Dhakshinamurthy stotram by heart, by far one of the more difficult ones, and in that excitement, my belief in “Guru” increased dramatically! Then, the next stage came.. I generally went to temples because my parents asked me to come along. Now, as I look back, I find it funny that I actually used to go to temples just for “praying” for this and that. Sometimes, I remember standing in front of the deity actually trying to remember if I had covered everything in my “want list”! Then came certain periods of trouble.. when I used temples as stress busters. I remember, at time when I badly wanted something and I was so unsure of myself and completely lost and confused, I just used to stand there point blank, just praying that I get all that I want. Please do something. There was this one particular incident that I distinctly remember – I did a mental bargain with God. You give me this one thing, I will come to the temple every Saturday!

Okay..from there..came a phase of serious questioning of everything.. made me wonder what is it that I was holding on to, to the extent that people thought I had become atheistic. Well, this phase truly has led to the best discovery of my life! Painful as it was during all those thought cross-examinations and devil’s advocate that was going on inside my head, the end result was plain beautiful. Every one of us is filled with some insecurities or the other and have certain wants. We are scared of failure. We are scared of anything that would make us answerable. What does this leave us with? agitated mind.. loss of mental peace, loss of faith in everything…in people..in our own selves..in god.. Hope you get the picture here. So, in a sense here, what we are trying to do is.. going to temples to assuage our pain and sorrow and alleviate our insecurities temporarily by surrendering to god, asking him to somehow “fix” things for us. This surrender is also conditional, if you look at it closely..This realization disturbed me for quite a long time, till I developed the mental strength to admit to myself that I too was doing the same thing and that it was wrong!! Forget about change, understanding this itself took so much time! Quite ironically, change comes faster!

So, now.. faith..belief.. trust..devotion..god..somehow, both at the personal and at the inter-personal level, there is a strong link between everything. Like the thread that connects different beads of a necklace..is God..belief in the existence of such an external intelligence that forms the substratum of each and everything is faith.. without the thread, the beads fall apart. Developing such a strong belief that, every action of ours is indeed a work of God who acts in the background was/is pretty tough. It’s hard to realize.. and even more difficult to accept that we are nothing but puppets and marionettes in the hands of God. God, to me is not a physical entity anymore. He, I am attributing a gender here, because it’s easier for reference..but otherwise, it is that unshakable faith in myself that develops with internal cleansing of yourself with love! I now know, though not fully internalized, that each and every little thing I do is just a ripple in the expanse of the unbounded ocean. Nothing is truly in our hands though it might seem so facetiously…This faith, that I’ve developed with time is.. according to me, God at work. And bhakthi or if you want to call it, devotion..is faith in God without any ifs and buts..Faith in people..faith in myself..more so, faith in God..in turn, understanding God..everything’s come at its own pace..I’m glad! So much so about the story of my relationship with God. I’m amazingly fortunate to have found my soul mate in God.. in myself, and easily, this is my most treasured eternal relationship.. a relationship with infinite returns!! As I write this, I see how far I’ve come from the insecure confused person to a much more “surer” person, and how much further I have to go. At least, now I know that I’m on the right track!